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Vaizard
14 years ago

hi are you posting this again oliver did you change that page or something? a new like maybe?

maturd
maturd
14 years ago

love this one, thx for the work.

Stannis
Stannis
14 years ago

Distance is amazing but I am sad that he didn't show the boy taking the girls virginity, or keeping Kaori in his harem. Oh well.

Ehud
Ehud
14 years ago

Many thanx Oliver.

dizzle83
dizzle83
14 years ago

Damnit, Stannis. No spoilers, please.

Cobra
Cobra
14 years ago

This is going to be a long comment so bear with me.My biggest problem with the first story is just that all of the main characters' backgrounds are lacking and they are not fleshed out enough.I know it's hentai and the focus is on sex but better developed characters make the story better and more realistic. I especially would like to learn more about Kaori's past like how she was kidnapped and how was her slave training Also one or two scenes about her life with her past masters would be nice.And I alsa agree the ending is quite abrupt and the last scene is just so lacking .To be honest a short epilogue chapter would be much better than the unnecessary prequel chapter at the end.It would be nice at least we could see what happened after she came to his room and a little speech at the end would give the story a more satisfactory closure.I also wonder how can Hajime live alone. I mean how does he cover his expenses in the first place? Since he is underage I don't think he can use his father's bank account besides there should be someone taking care of him according to the law.We don't see his mother at all so I assume she died a long time ago.In most of the hentais at least they give a little explanation about such stuff like the parents are working abroad so they are absent or since the parents died a legal guardian/family friend is taking care of the child .These might seem like minor and unimportant details but I believe they make the story complete.Another little detail that we never learn more about is the scene where Hajime sees the girl she likes exiting a love hotel.We later learn that she never had sex before but we never learn what she was doing there or was that just another person who looks like her.Also her character doesnt make sense in a way .Mangaka first introduces her as a hard working, honest girl but later she tells Hajime about giving her virginity to a middle aged man whom she doesn't know as a last resort. Lastly if I were the mangaka I would make Kaori tell the police everything about the slavery network and after that police would catch the perpetrators when Kaori goes to meet them. So Kaori would be set free and she would return to Hajime and confesses to him .The end.

razzizle
razzizle
13 years ago

i completely agree with cobra 100%